How to get through a boring performance while sitting in another audience.

In a small over crowded gallery I begin.

How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience.

The crowd read the freshly turned clip board at which I stand by the side. A small chuckle breaks the silence. Giving more than enough time to my semi-circular audience to read it 3 or 4 times I return to the board and flip the page.

1. Try to watch or listen to the performance. If you are just to bored, or cant get into it, follow the next step

After reading it the crowds eyes fix on me, willing me to do or say something. I return to my place at the side of the bored and wait.

A few minutes pass and I feel its time to revel the next step.

2. If you can try to get up and say you are going to get a drink of water or going to the bath room. Then you can take a short walk.

The confused crowd read again and look back at me like I am some miss behaving performing monkey. Unwilling to give in I simply stare back blankly until I believe enough time has passed to revel the next step.

3. Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings

Again they read then return there persuasive gaze to me. Again I do not buckle.

4. Look at the audience and see if you know somebody

This time after reading the instruction small murmurs of confusion emerge from the crowd with conversationalist continuing to return there focus to me unwilling to miss any of the non-existent action. Unflustered I remain at the side of the board giving ample time.

The ripples of noise stop as I head back to the chart to flip the page.

5. Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks

After some puzzled upward looks they start again. I take my place back in my usual spot.

6. Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone

Impatience in the non-performance sets in and the chatter increases. Some members of the audience look perplexed at this obviously seeing it as disrespectful. I stare back into the noise.

7. If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam

The longer length instruction seams to have recaptured the audiences’ attention as well as amuse them. They discus with there neighbours and point while I wait.

8. If you have a program, count the number of words in it, then read it backwards

Returning to the board this time gets an unexpected silence as I grab the previously flipped pages and return them to the beginning.

How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience

As I return to my usual spot the silence remains now edged with uncertainty as to weather to expect something more.

1. Try to watch or listen to the performance. If you are just to bored, or cant get into it, follow the next step

A gasp of realisation sweeps the crowd as a few of them realise what is going on a chuckle to them self with amusement.

2. If you can try to get up and say you are going to get a drink of water or going to the bath room. Then you can take a short walk.

One of them giggles at their friends’ reluctance to believe that nothing more interesting than me flipping pages of a flip chart is going to happen.

3. Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings

The murmurs grow louder again as the audience begin to dissect the piece. I remain in bored far away stare at the side of the board.

4. Look at the audience and see if you know somebody

A guy at the back at the room stares at me in attempt to get my attention in order to remove him from the boredom that has over powered the room. In a battle of wills I continue in remaining uncompromised and fix my gaze blankly straight through him.

5. Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks

In attempt to follow the instructions some audience members begin to count the floor tiles and look for approval in doing this. I show no praise or disapproval and continue to wait until the next flip of the chart.

6. Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone

After the inevitable prolonged period of reading time I again go to reveal the next instruction. As I fumble with the paper my dark rimmed glasses slip slowly down my nose. I feel the audiences’ attention focus on me pushing them back up wondering if it was the start of something more interesting to come. I flip the page and return to my space.

7. If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam

They wait. I wait.

9. If you have a program, count the number of words in it, then read it backwards

The man at the back continues in attempting to catch my attention with no success.

How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience

The irritation heightens and the back of the group start to disband.

1. Try to watch or listen to the performance. If you are just to bored, or cant get into it, follow the next step

At the front of the pack a few fidget attempting to find a way of relief from this enforced boredom.

2. If you can try to get up and say you are going to get a drink of water or going to the bath room. Then you can take a short walk.

The noise increases. I remain silent.

3. Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings

A few more people walk away and the disgust of a dependable few.

4. Look at the audience and see if you know somebody

I continue to wait until these people have had the more than adequate time to read the instruction numerous times.

5. Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
6. Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone

With a look of disappointment in them selves in not sticking it though they turn to the neighbour in conversation about what had just happened.

7. If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam

By now everyone has lost interest.

10. If you have a program, count the number of words in it, then read it backwards

If flip the chart back to the beginning a walk slowly away without anyone realising.