1. Partake in the useless
2. Learn the useless
3. Commodify this useless knowledge
4. Validate this uselessness
5. Question the need for this validation
6. Ask yourself whether this is validation
7. Make the useless useful
8. Highlight areas where the useless is masquerading as the useful
9. Ask whether this is just validation
10. Undermine this need for validation
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Capital FM's hidden talent search
http://www.capitalfm.com/on-air/breakfast-show/your-clever-talents/
I can't believe i missed this! what a numpty! and now all the party tricks finalists are crap! I'm pretty sure one of my mean learnt talents could have won. God dam it!
I can't believe i missed this! what a numpty! and now all the party tricks finalists are crap! I'm pretty sure one of my mean learnt talents could have won. God dam it!
Common knowledge
A performance will take place.
Location- iswore/isore private view – The Nunnery
Performer- Myself
Through minor murmurings this begins to become ‘Common Knowledge’. Everyone knows I will be performing.
Armed with my dark rimmed glasses, rubix’s cube that is now permanently attached to my hand and the book that I chat on endlessly about ‘how to sound smart at parties’ I enter the PV. To be honest I look like a typical day in the studio apart from the fact I have actually made an effort tonight.
My hands sweat as my first victim approaches me.
“When’s your performance” the egger punter asks
“She’s performing now” my trusty sidekick (the only one who knows what I’m doing) dives in before I even get a chance to open my mouth.
“It’s durational,” I explain to the baffled on looker “I will be performing throughout the night, don’t worry, you’ll get it just give it some time.”
They look me up and down taking in the various artefacts and leave with a pleased yet confused smile.
Still feeling the pressure I set about in my usual merry way about the gallery taking in the work. The same question interrupts my viewing. Again I politely explain that it is a durational piece about knowledge that will continue throughout the night. Clocking the rubik’s cube excitement sets in as they question my about my ability to do the dam thing. (I’d already done it twice on the tube!) Taking it out of my hand they begin to mess it up still engaging me in conversation about the intensions of my performance. I set about correcting it as they look on in anticipation of something more happing nevertheless I simply complete the cube as usual answering any questions they ask of me. All in a days work. As I make my excuses and leave they continue to study my every move attempting to make tenuous links between them and the ‘intentions of my performance’.
‘Do me! Do me!’ a squeal of enthusiasm escapes from a peer who has obviously heard that the performance had already begun.
‘She’s already doing you” my sidekick manages to splutter out between giggles. I nod in agreement chuckling to myself.
“O… mmmmm …” my now red friend utters looking at me as if he was trying to find a start button. Again this to everyone else seams to be my freshly complete cube. (God I’ve done it 3 times already!)
Dance Monkey dance!
The book is the start button for the next person as they have obviously heard me chatting about it before. I talk about it to them as I normally would, laughing about the tips to get Toulouse-Lautrec and Christo into conversation. (Allen’s short but he’s not Toulouse-Lautrec short or anything, my mum just loves wrapping presents. She thinks she Christo.) This banter seams to be proficient in being a performance to them and they move on confident of my performative intentions.
The night continues in this fashion. Me going about my business cube and book in hand and audience attempting to find meaning in every little thing I was doing or trying to find the correct button to press for me to do something.
The way I stood had performative intentions, where I walked had performantive intentions, everything about my usual demeanour seamed now to be an integral part of my ‘non-performance’. Context is everything.
Common knowledge had taken over. If everyone believes knows it, it must be. The common knowledge is that I’m doing a performance therefore I must be.
At the end of the night when someone comes over to analyse what I had been doing all night they refuse to believe that I had simply been being my self. The common knowledge was now more powerful than my word. The hierarchy of knowledge had been set giving weight to the false information. Majority wins.
Common knowledge + Non-performance = Performance
Location- iswore/isore private view – The Nunnery
Performer- Myself
Through minor murmurings this begins to become ‘Common Knowledge’. Everyone knows I will be performing.
Armed with my dark rimmed glasses, rubix’s cube that is now permanently attached to my hand and the book that I chat on endlessly about ‘how to sound smart at parties’ I enter the PV. To be honest I look like a typical day in the studio apart from the fact I have actually made an effort tonight.
My hands sweat as my first victim approaches me.
“When’s your performance” the egger punter asks
“She’s performing now” my trusty sidekick (the only one who knows what I’m doing) dives in before I even get a chance to open my mouth.
“It’s durational,” I explain to the baffled on looker “I will be performing throughout the night, don’t worry, you’ll get it just give it some time.”
They look me up and down taking in the various artefacts and leave with a pleased yet confused smile.
Still feeling the pressure I set about in my usual merry way about the gallery taking in the work. The same question interrupts my viewing. Again I politely explain that it is a durational piece about knowledge that will continue throughout the night. Clocking the rubik’s cube excitement sets in as they question my about my ability to do the dam thing. (I’d already done it twice on the tube!) Taking it out of my hand they begin to mess it up still engaging me in conversation about the intensions of my performance. I set about correcting it as they look on in anticipation of something more happing nevertheless I simply complete the cube as usual answering any questions they ask of me. All in a days work. As I make my excuses and leave they continue to study my every move attempting to make tenuous links between them and the ‘intentions of my performance’.
‘Do me! Do me!’ a squeal of enthusiasm escapes from a peer who has obviously heard that the performance had already begun.
‘She’s already doing you” my sidekick manages to splutter out between giggles. I nod in agreement chuckling to myself.
“O… mmmmm …” my now red friend utters looking at me as if he was trying to find a start button. Again this to everyone else seams to be my freshly complete cube. (God I’ve done it 3 times already!)
Dance Monkey dance!
The book is the start button for the next person as they have obviously heard me chatting about it before. I talk about it to them as I normally would, laughing about the tips to get Toulouse-Lautrec and Christo into conversation. (Allen’s short but he’s not Toulouse-Lautrec short or anything, my mum just loves wrapping presents. She thinks she Christo.) This banter seams to be proficient in being a performance to them and they move on confident of my performative intentions.
The night continues in this fashion. Me going about my business cube and book in hand and audience attempting to find meaning in every little thing I was doing or trying to find the correct button to press for me to do something.
The way I stood had performative intentions, where I walked had performantive intentions, everything about my usual demeanour seamed now to be an integral part of my ‘non-performance’. Context is everything.
Common knowledge had taken over. If everyone believes knows it, it must be. The common knowledge is that I’m doing a performance therefore I must be.
At the end of the night when someone comes over to analyse what I had been doing all night they refuse to believe that I had simply been being my self. The common knowledge was now more powerful than my word. The hierarchy of knowledge had been set giving weight to the false information. Majority wins.
Common knowledge + Non-performance = Performance
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Made up facts
Just a quick thought-
The other day when listening to the radio on my way in I came across a segment on the Chris Moyles show called ‘Made up fact’. He and his team were reeling off facts that were made up and text in by there listeners. In the process they were confusing the hell out of there dim witted producer Aled who couldn’t work out if the facts stated were true of false even though they delivering them under the title of ‘made up facts’. Even though this was extremely funny in it’s self the best part was when I realised I was checking the ‘facts’ validity my self!
When told ‘It’s imposable to touch all your teach with your tongue’ if found myself running my tongue along all my teeth one by one checking the legitimacy of this fact. How stupid! I knew this ‘fact’ was made up, I had been told just a few seconds earlier, yet still I felt the need to prove this to be a fraud to my self again. I chuckle at catching myself in the act.
This realisation is affirmed by their colleague Becky who tells them her story of listening to the show on the way in. When confronted by the ‘fact’ ‘your earlobes line up with your nipples’ she not only catches her self looking down to check but in doing so catches everyone else on the bus with earphones in doing the same thing. I giggle aloud at this if only to stop myself from doing the same. I give in and look down at my chest moving my head around attempting to line my earlobes up with where I expect my nipples to be beneath my bra. I obviously can’t get it to work.
It’s funny how labelling or stating something as a fact, even when you know its made up, makes you believe it is true.
FACT – ‘It is impossible to make up a fact’
The other day when listening to the radio on my way in I came across a segment on the Chris Moyles show called ‘Made up fact’. He and his team were reeling off facts that were made up and text in by there listeners. In the process they were confusing the hell out of there dim witted producer Aled who couldn’t work out if the facts stated were true of false even though they delivering them under the title of ‘made up facts’. Even though this was extremely funny in it’s self the best part was when I realised I was checking the ‘facts’ validity my self!
When told ‘It’s imposable to touch all your teach with your tongue’ if found myself running my tongue along all my teeth one by one checking the legitimacy of this fact. How stupid! I knew this ‘fact’ was made up, I had been told just a few seconds earlier, yet still I felt the need to prove this to be a fraud to my self again. I chuckle at catching myself in the act.
This realisation is affirmed by their colleague Becky who tells them her story of listening to the show on the way in. When confronted by the ‘fact’ ‘your earlobes line up with your nipples’ she not only catches her self looking down to check but in doing so catches everyone else on the bus with earphones in doing the same thing. I giggle aloud at this if only to stop myself from doing the same. I give in and look down at my chest moving my head around attempting to line my earlobes up with where I expect my nipples to be beneath my bra. I obviously can’t get it to work.
It’s funny how labelling or stating something as a fact, even when you know its made up, makes you believe it is true.
FACT – ‘It is impossible to make up a fact’
Monday, 1 March 2010
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