How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience.
In a small quiet lecture theatre I begin my performance. For the first few minutes I let a small but adequate audience read the first 3 and a bit instructions. I wait to see them getting agitated at being given more than enough time to read these instructions slowly at least 3 or 4 times. But still I wait.
How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience
- Try to watch or listen to the performance. If you are just to bored, or cant get into it, follow the next step
- If you can try to get up and say you are going to get a drink of water or going to the bath room. Then you can take a short walk.
- Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings
- Look at the audience and see if you know …
The blackboard in which theses instructions are wrote on reminds me of an old school blackboard. You know, the revolving ones which were about a long time ago before schools got filled with horrible whiteboards and that that crap technology has brought us- interactive boards.
I feel its time to revel the next instructions. I move from my place along side the blackboard and using the bar placed along it I slowly pull it up so that instruction 3 sits on the top (just in case anyone hasn’t got round to finishing it yet). The rest of the bored reveals the end of instruction 4 and numbers 5-7. The bored squeaks as I do this whining its self with the lack of entertainment im providing.
- Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings
- Look at the audience and see if you know somebody
- Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
- Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone
- If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam
I go back to my place at the side of the board, resume my vacant expression and posture and wait. Again I give just enough time for the audience to grow tired of the repetitive reading. I head back to the board and use the second bar which is now at the bottom of the board to revolve the text up to instruction 5. Numbers 6- 8 follow below it. Again the bored lets out is wails of disgust.
- Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
- Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone
- If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam
- If you have a program, count the number of words in it, then read it backwards
The audience waits for the next act but nothing happens. Still I stand by the board in my position of nothingness while the time slowly runs away with its self. By now the audience grows restless and chatting begins to occur. I decide its time to continue. I head back to the board and pull on the bar. The board turns on its self showing again the first bit of text. This time the audiences chatter muffles the painful creaking of the blackboard.
How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience
- Try to watch or listen to the performance. If you are just to bored, or cant get into it, follow the next step
- If you can try to get up and say you are going to get a drink of water or going to the bath room. Then you can take a short walk.
- Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings
- Look at the audience and see if you know …
I stand back on my spot with no sign of pampering to the whims of the audience. The time ticks by slowly as the audience get even more restful. They settle back down in anticipation as I walk back to the board. I pull the bar back round so instruction 3 again appears at the top.
- Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings
- Look at the audience and see if you know somebody
- Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
- Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone
- If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam
The noise level erupts again as they realise I will return to my usual spot of propping up the blackboard. The waiting game continues but this time gets longer as I see how far I can push it. The long awaited return to the blackboard comes again.
- Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
- Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone
- If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam
- If you have a program, count the number of words in it, then read it backwards
As I return to my spot a ripple of applauds begins. If the audience wants an end to this repetitive torment I am not the one to provide them with it. I commence with the waiting for the next turn of the board. Confusion covers the faces of some of the audience’s faces. Do they not understand? At the back a few await eagerly for my next move. The board turns again.
How to get through a boring performance while sitting in an audience
- Try to watch or listen to the performance. If you are just to bored, or cant get into it, follow the next step
- If you can try to get up and say you are going to get a drink of water or going to the bath room. Then you can take a short walk.
- Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings
- Look at the audience and see if you know …
On my return to my standing spot the sound of people gathering there belongings fill the air. A few leave. I remain standing there looking out into nothingness. I wait. Time for the next turn.
- Play with your phone. Most phones have games, if not play around with the settings
- Look at the audience and see if you know somebody
- Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
- Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone
- If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam
I stand back in place …
The next turn
- Look up at the ceiling and count the tiles or wooden planks
- Do isometric exercises which are not obvious. You don’t want to embarrass anyone
- If you know you are going and have a hoodie and an iPod, hide the iPod in your hoodie pocket, run the cord through the inside of your hoodie put the earphones on and jam
- If you have a program, count the number of words in it, then read it backwards
The process repeats. Constantly revolving. More people leave the room. By now about 30 minutes have passed. I am left with two audience members. They continue to watch and I continue to revolve the blackboard. The board continues to wail loudly whenever it is forced to switch position.
The process repeats…
Again and again it mocks the remaining audience with its increasing boredom.
It continues to turn and I continue to wait.
There is a stand of between the two remaining audience members who wish to push them selves through the ever increasing monotony in order to be the last man standing.
Still I continue. Waiting and turning, waiting and turning.
Another person leaves. I am left with one remaining person who wishes to fight this tedious performance to the bitter end. He shuffles around the seating, counts the tiles, looks around the room for something to do, something to read, something to free his mind from what he is watching.
I repeat my action
Wait
Repeat
Wait.
The boredom takes hold and he leaves the room.
I follow.
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